After 40

A couple of Saturdays ago, I dropped in to meet a former colleague and still a dear (but not very near) friend who'd emerged from a separation with a well-known actress and had suffered a near-fatal heart attack. Fortunately, he survived. Not easy at the age if 41, I'm told...

While there are several stories about this gentle lad in his copywriting days in Calcutta, there's even more hilarious stuff about another mutual friend and fellow-writer who also happened to be there that evening.

He's the kind of guy who flashed his PAN card when he asked for the bill at a restaurant. Or - and this is true - mixed up his pregnant wife and dog's stool samples while sending them to separate laboratories.

He's bright but absent-minded. Yet, pithy enough to come up with this classic: "Till we're 40, we ask 'Who am I?'; after 40, we ask 'EMI?'"

Cheers!

Punjabi Dictionary

This one is from my Sindhi brother for all you Punjabi lovers...enjwoy!

A is for Aiscream ~ And it needs no further axplanation, my dear!

B is for Backside ~ And it has nothing to do with the rear. It is an instruction to go to the rear of building or block, shop or whatever it may be.

C is for Cloney ~ and is not the process for replicating of the sheep, nor is the first name of it George. It is merely the area whare people live e.g. ‘Defance Cloney’.

E is for Expanditure ~ arbitary spanding of the money.

F is for Fackade ~ and even though it is the sound of a bad word, it is actually just the front of the building (with ‘backside’ being its rear).

G is for Gaddi ~ and the way a Punjabi can speeden his ‘gaddi’ puts any F1 driver to the shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Dalhi, there is no way Hamilton, Alonso or Kimi can overtake the Balvinder, Jasvinder or
Sukhvinder’s taxi.)

H is for ‘Ho Jayega Ji’ ~ and the moment you hear of that, you have to be vary careful because you can be rest sure it is jast not going to happen.

I is for Intzaar ~ and to know more about it, please to see P.

J is for Jutt ~ which is what the every Punjabi seems to be.

K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc ~ Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses (e.g. ‘Keeping up with the Khuranas, ji’)

L is for Loin ~ who is the king of the jungle.

M is for ‘Mrooti’ ~ the car that an entire generation of Punjabis grew up with.

N is for ‘No Problem Ji.’ ~ To find out how that is working, please to see H.

O is for Oye ~ which can be surprise (Oyye!), greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy!).

P is for Panj Mint ~ and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he will reach in ‘panj mint’.

Q is for Queue ~ the word that jast does not axist in Punjabi vocabulary.

R is for Riks ~ the Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if odds are all aganst him.

S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu ~ all of the who seem to own half the cars in Dalhi. (The other half by their Pappas - like as ‘Sweetie de Pappe di Gaddi’).

T is for the official bird of the Punjab ~ Tandoori Chickkan.

U is whan you lose your sax appeal and become ~ ‘Unkel-ji’

V is for VIP phone numbers ~ @ Rs 15 lakh is the bare minimum.

W is for Whan ~ as in ‘Whan are you coming, ji?’

X is for the many ax-rated words ~ that flow quite freely in all the Punjabi conversations.

Y is for ‘You nonsense’ ~ when axtreme anger replaces the vocabulary in any
shouting between Punjabis.

Z is for Zindgi ~ which finally avry Punjabi knows how to live to the fullast.

The Camel and the Sphinx

I 'd first read this in my college days and while I remember every word, I could never recall who actually wrote it. Googling hasn't helped either. But enjoy it anyway...

The sexual urge of the camel is greater than anyone thinks
And can only be gratified fully by going to bed with the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's magnificent orifice
Is choked by the sands of the Nile.
Hence the hump on the back of the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile!