Thursday, November 08, 2007

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Okay, so it’s been a long time since I wrote here. But then it’s been a busy time…

What with a vacation in China, a debut appearance on a ramp, my first (successful) attempt at throwing out an eve-teaser co-worker from an office party (but, sadly, not from the office itself), a dual eye surgery that was meant to be painless but ended up numbing the brain, the arrival of long-lost friends and some sundry things in between, life has been demanding.

Heck, it's been hectic. That’s what it’s been. But is it going anywhere?

An SMS from my brother, the other day, said “Due to cost-cutting, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.” Imagine this: you know you’re hurtling through a tunnel, hoping it’ll soon end and you’ll be flung out. But the ride seems to last for ever – never straight, always unpredictably driving you round bends. That’s what life seems to have become.

The sadder part is that one doesn’t seem to be alone.

A friend who was to be married last December and had been Plutoed (not for the first time in her young life) came close to getting married to the same gent last week again but chose to defer taking the plunge for some months more – in a way, she extended the tunnel ride herself. Ask her and she’ll swear it isn’t by choice – it’s because she can’t get the man she wants and doesn’t completely want the man who wants her. Life is replete with difficult choices.

Sometimes you can be rescued by tragedy. Or killed by ecstasy. Don’t ask me to explain this – I know what I mean but cannot shed light on it at this point in the tunnel.

Which reminds me of a line I’d heard in a riveting performance by Jalabala Vaidya decades ago: “I am the agony and I am the ecstasy.” Aren’t all of us actually? Don’t we start with the honourable intent of making people happy but end up making either them or someone else in the same eco-system bitterly unhappy?

Sometimes I feel it’s best to be less sensitive to people’s needs and operate with tunnel vision. If the SMS is to be believed, you may never reach the light at the end of the tunnel but, at least, you won’t get distracted by side-lights either.

One life, one fate. No impossible choices to make. Just staying happy at trying to be happy.

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